Shichinosato Kofuki Episodes

1: Dreaming Kofuki-chan

--Progress report from research lab 8, in charge of subject Shichinosato Kofuki. Recorded by Ban Tsugumi.

Today, at 13:00, Shichinosato Kofuki entered the research lab. I was running late from a lesson, and when I entered the labroom I could tell something was amiss.
From what I gathered from my colleagues, for an unexplained reason, Shichinosato Kofuki was in an unusually rough mood. I wasn't quite sure how to approach the situation.

My colleagues made such comments as "When grins like that, I feel like I'll be her next victim", and "If the higher-ups find out, we'll be in trouble", and "We're going to die".

But, as far as I could see, the subject wasn't behaving any different than usual.

Because of this, and because I am the one who has made the most direct contact with Shichinosato Kofuki, my colleagues requested that I attempt to pacify her.

Tsugumi: Now then, Shichinosato-san, today we have six A- grade aradama for processing from lab 4. Each specimen has particular characteristics involving the surface composition of their bodies.
Tsugumi: They've asked us to experiment with the angle you cut through them with your okatana, so please look over the order sheet for the specifics. After that, let's get to it!
Kofuki: ...Sure.
Tsugumi: Good work. By the way, you seem to be in an unusually good mood today... Did something nice happen?
Kofuki: Yeah! I had a good dream!
Tsugumi: A dream? That sounds nice. Were you on a date with the one you like or something?
Kofuki: Huh? Don't talk stupid. A good dream's more like... C'mon, you know what I mean!
Kofuki: Like where I get to slaughter lots of aradama-chan, of course!
Tsugumi: Of course it was-. But I knew that already-.
Kofuki: I was downtown... And it was like the world was covered in aradama. I'd cut one and keep cutting 'em and they'd just keep popping out; every time one of them died two more would take its place! More and more and more!
Kofuki: It was too good! I got to kill as many as I wanted! Just me and aradama-chan!
Kofuki: Ahhh, man! I can't take it anymore! You know what I mean, right!
Tsugumi: No, you lost me right away.
Tsugumi: But I'm relieved to see you're your usual self. Since you're in a good mood, why not keep up this pace? Seize the day, right!
Kofuki: You know it!

--Progress report from research lab 8, in charge of subject Shichinosato Kofuki. Recorded by Ban Tsugumi.

Today, Shichinosato Kofuki was in high spirits. When the subject was asked why, the reason given was that she had seen a very good dream.

As far as the details of the dream go, I see nothing of concern. They diverge greatly from what would be considered normal for a girl her age, but it was exceedingly typical for her disposition.

In addition, from now on, I would like to review all reports being made on subject Shichinosato Kofuki before they are submitted.

That is all.

2: No Matter What, I Love Aradama!

In April--

Voice: Why not study Kurama-ryu! Founded by the famous Minamoto no Yoshitsune-! Sounds cool, doesn't it! Come on over and change your image!
Kofuki: Tch! It's that time again when everyone's out recruiting the new students...
Kofuki: Year after year, they're annoying as hell. I've gotta get to the research building.
Kofuki: Just wanna play with aradama-chan already...
???: H-Hey, you!
Kofuki: Huh?
Tamaki Marie: I-I'm Tamaki Marie, a toji in the first year of the high school branch.　If you haven't decided on a research discipline yet, feel free to join me in learning Hokushin Itto-ryu...
Kofuki: Get lost...
Marie: Huh!?
Watanuki Kazumi: You there, you're a new student in the middle school branch, aren't you? How would you like to learn the ways of Satsuma Jigen-ryu?
Kazumi: It requires much more dedication to training than any other style, but no other sword will be able to match your gallantry...
Kofuki: ...I'm a third year.
Nagasaki Sumi: U-Um...
Kofuki: Seriously? Another one of you?
Sumi: Y-You're a first year too, aren't you? I just joined here, and I'm having trouble finding the dojo, so...
Sumi: Please, could we go there together?
Kofuki: ......
Sumi: Also, I haven't made any friends yet, so... Ah, and if you like, do you want to learn Jiken Shinkage-ryu together...
Kofuki: Get it through your head already! I'm a third year!
Sumi: Y-You're my senpai!? S-S-S-Sorry!
???: Kofukicchi~!
Kofuki: Go to hell! I said I'm a third yea... Oh, it's you.
Fujimaki Minaki: Hm~, what's wrong?
Minaki: !
Minaki: Ohh! I bet you got mistaken for a first year again, cause you're so tiny! Poor little Kofukicchi!
Kofuki: And it just keeps coming.
Minaki: Good job pulling through~. Here, I brought some milk for you.
Kofuki: Ooh, I'll take it. Thanks.............. (Gulp)
Minaki: Mmmm, you're so small and cute, Kofukkichi~. (Rub rub)
Kofuki: ...You're as bad as the rest!

Inside the research building of Renpu Girls' School, in the aradama processing facility--

Kofuki: Where's the next one! Why's the next aradama-chan not in here yet!?
Tsugumi: What's the matter? You're in a bad temper today.
Kofuki: Shut up! Fuck! Everyone keeps treating me like a little kid! Aradama-chan's the only one who gets what I want!
Kofuki: Ahhh, damnit! I love you! Aradama-chan!

3: Punkish Girl

Kiyoka: Kofuki-san! Kofuki-san!
Kofuki: Tch, the sun's barely up and you're already bugging me. What do you want?
Kiyoka: S-Sorry. It's just... There's something I wanted to ask you...
Kiyoka: Earlier, Hono-chan and I were talking about what kind of normal clothes everyone wears. So, Kofuki-san, what do you wear when you're not in your uniform?
Kofuki: Ahh...　Then bring me one of those fashion books you've always got piled up on your desk.
Kofuki: I just pick out whatever though, so don't expect much... Let's see.
Mihono: Hm? What's up? Ah! You asked about Fukki's fashion? I'm so curious!
Kiyoka: I know, right?
Kofuki: Uhh... The stuff I wear is like... This, and this...
Kiyoka: So it really is like the hoodie you usually wear.
Kofuki: Stuff like this too...
Mihono: A biker jacket too...? I didn't peg you for it, but I guess you're the cool type?
Kiyoka: It seems like it. With that matching undershirt, it'd look really good... These are all clothes I could never wear though...
Kofuki: Oh! These short pants look good... Geh, these are way too expensive though...
Kiyoka: Hono-chan, Kofuki-san's fashion level is actually really high...
Mihono: Yep. She's really fashion-conscious...
Kofuki: ...And I guess that's it.
Kiyoka: I get it now. Kofuki-san's style is boyish and punk fashion. Where do you usually do your shopping?
Kofuki: Huh? I just buy something if it catches my eye while I'm out. Don't have any favorite shops or anything. So wait, this stuff is called punk?
Kiyoka: Y-You didn't know that!?

Another day...

Chie: Kofuki-chan, let's go shopping in town together. Everyone's picking out clothing today.
Kofuki: Huhh? Go do it yourselves!
Chie: Well, you see...
Mihono: C'mon, Fukki! Come pick out some clothes for me!
Kiyoka: Yes! I want to pick up some of your fashion sense, Kofuki-san!
Chie: ...That's how it is.
Kofuki: Ahh...
Chie: So then, are you coming?
Kofuki: You're such a pain! Man... Fine, I'll go! I'm going, okay!

4: What's Tasty?

Kofuki: ...Can't believe you dragged me out just for ice cream. Oi, Mihocchi.
Mihono: Ehh, what's wrong with that, Fukki? We all finally agreed to go out and eat together, and now you're acting all stubborn about it.
Kofuki: Look... In the end, food's just...
Mihono: Oh, I know.
Mihono: "Oi, Mihocchi. Food's all the same after it's in your stomach. Doesn't matter what it's like going in. If I don't get to kill some aradama, then I don't give a crap about whatever you wanna do."
Mihono: ...You were gonna say something like that, right?
Mihono: Just come eat with us! The ice cream here is super tasty, you know?
Chie: She's right. Come on, Kofuki-chan, pick a flavor!
Kofuki: Tch!
Employee: If you're not sure, we'll let you do a taste test! I recommend our limited time "Cherry & Vanilla Blend"! Try some!
Kofuki: O-Okay...
Mihono: Fukki... I don't care how much you liked it, you're not going to be able to eat all that...
Mihono: I mean, they actually filled a whole bucket for you. I don't think those are meant for just one person?
Kofuki: ...Back off! You can't have any!
Chie: Fufu, but just look how happy she is. Let's just let her enjoy it~.

--Half a month later.

Chie: Kofuki-chan! We're all going for ice cream again. Are you coming...
Kofuki: I don't want any...
Chie: But you've been so into it lately? Every day you get one of those buckets tucked in your arms while you eat it all.
Kofuki: Leave me alone... I said I don't want any more ice cream!
Chie: Are you sure...?
Mihono: Ah, Chii-nee! Apparently, Fukki binges on eating something and then gets sick of it.
Kofuki: I never wanna see ice cream again...

5: Cut it out Already!

Mihono: Good teamwork, everyone! Ah, Mirja-san! Can you please do some maintenance on Kiyomitsu for me!
Mirja: Asakura Mihono, I'll teach you the proper way to handle it yourself, so please try to remember. More importantly...
Mirja: When we pushed back the aradama without much effort, I was very surprised to see Shichinosato Kofuki obey orders and hang back without giving chase... She's changed, hasn't she?
Kiyoka: She has. It also feels like it's easier to talk to her lately. It's all thanks to Setouchi-san, I think.
Kofuki kicks a tree Kofuki: ...Damnit... I'm getting really pissed off! It's all Chichie's fault!
Kofuki: I just wanna do my thing and play with aradama-chan, but nooo!
Kofuki: I mean...
Chie: "That's enough! Please...! You have to take better care of yourself!"
Kofuki: ...Cause she keeps saying stuff like that...
Chie: "You're hurt, Kofuki-chan! None of us are going to overlook that!"
Kofuki: ...And that...
Chie: "I'm so glad... You're safe, aren't you..."
Kofuki: ...And that! She just won't leave me alone!
Kofuki: I-It's not like... Like I care if she's worried about me. I just don't like seeing her make that sad face is all...
Kofuki: Ahh, damnit! Shit! Chichie! It's all your fault things got so difficult!
Kofuki: Alright! I made up my mind! I'm just gonna do what I want to do from now on! And I'm gonna tell her off so she quits messing with me!
Kofuki: OI! CHICHIE!
Chie: Kofuki-chan?
Chie pats down Kofuki
Kofuki: W-What're you... You don't have to feel me up!
Chie: ...Mm, thank goodness, you aren't injured. Your onee-san was just a little worried.
Chie: So, what is it? It's rare for you to come talk to me, Kofuki-chan.
Kofuki: Y-You see...
Chie: Yes?
Kofuki: Ah, I d-don't need... D-Don't worry about... Me... Anym-m-m... Ah... Uh, ah... (the text trails off and keeps getting smaller)
Kofuki: ...Anymore. Please.
Chie: ...Please?
Kofuki: Sh! Shut up! It's nothing!
Kiyoka: ...She's just shy, isn't she?
Mihono: She's having a meltdown.

[Railgun - Kofuki: Start]: It's Bizarre! The Human Aradama of Renpu Girls' Academy!

Ruiko: Shichinosato-san! Is it really true that Renpu Girls' Academy is researching human aradamas behind closed doors!?
Kofuki: The hell are you talking about?
Ruiko: It's a rumor I've been hearing from all the toji!
Ruiko: Since I like learning about urban legends, I thought you toji might have some, so I asked a bunch of people!
Kazari: I'm sorry about her, Shichinosato-san.
Kofuki: Then, why'd you decide to ask me about this? I don't really care about rumors and whatever, y'know?
Ruiko: Even if you aren't interested, you're still a toji at Renpu Girls' Academy, right? And also, I've heard you hang around the research labs a lot.
Kofuki: Well, you're not wrong, but still, human aradama...
Ruiko: It's exciting!
Kofuki: Like I'd know anything.
Ruiko: What, so it was only a rumor after all-?
Kazari: See, that's what I was telling you. There's no way that kind of thing would be real!
Ruiko: You say that, but, if it really was real, wouldn't you be interested, Uiharu?
Kazari: In that case... I think I would, a little...
Kofuki: Then, wanna go see the research labs? I was just about to head over there actually.
Ruiko: Can we!?
Kofuki: Sure, do whatever you want. Though, whatever happens when you get there, it's not my problem.
Ruiko: W-Whatever happens...? Then, are there really human aradama!?
Kazari: S-Saten-san, maybe we should just give up on this...
Ruiko: It sounds interesting! Let's go, Uiharu!
Kazari: Of course it came to this...
Ruiko: ...Gulp. This is the lab from the rumors... Shichinosato-san... Wait, huh? She's not here?
Kazari: She was right with us until a minute ago... Wh-Where'd she go?
Ruiko: ...Maybe the toilet?
Kazari: Do you think?
???: Excuse me.
Ruiko/Kazari: HYAAAAAAAA!?
Ruiko: I'm sorry, it's not like we wandered in here on our own! Shichinosato-san just led us here is all!
Kazari: This is why I told you to stop, didn't I!
Tsugumi: Really now... This was mean of you, Shichinosato-san.
Ruiko/Kazari: Huh?
Kofuki: Ahahahahaha! Sorry, sorry.
Tsugumi: Honestly... My name is Ban Tsugumi. You wanted to look in on our research, didn't you? Make yourselves at home.
Ruiko: I-I thought you'd be mad at us...

[Railgun - Kofuki: End]: Take it Easy With Gathering Rumors

Ruiko: When you suddenly popped out at us, I was thinking, "We're gonna get turned into human aradama experiments!"
Tsugumi: Human aradama... Ahh, it's about that rumor, isn't it.
Ruiko: You know about it!?
Kazari: Saten-san, let's stop asking them weird questions.
Saten: But, we finally met someone who knows about it!? Aren't you curious, Uiharu?
Kazari: Well, I am a little bit curious...
Tsugumi: That rumor is completely made up. We don't carry out experiments fusing humans with aradama or the like here.
Ruiko: So that's all-.
Kazari: Then, what kind of research do you do here?
Tsugumi: We gather data on aradama and toji. To put it simply, we have toji fight with aradama, and we collect the resulting data.
Ruiko: Kind of like that?
Kofuki: ORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Tsugumi: Yes, just like that.
Ruiko: Is it alright for us to watch on for a while?
Tsugumi: It's perfectly fine. Just, hold on...
Kofuki: Alright, I'm done!
Ruiko: Hey, it looks like she just finished beating the aradama too, so let's go!
Tsugumi: Ah, please wait a moment!
Tsugumi: Uiharu-san, please stop Saten-san! The current turn hasn't finished yet!
Kazari: Ehh!? S-Saten-san, hang on!
Ruiko: Huh?
Aradama: SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Kofuki: Hey, what'd you come running in here for!!
Ruiko: I-I thought you were finished already!
Kazari: Are you okay, Saten-san!?
Kofuki: You two aren't supposed to be in here! Whatever! I'll take care of these guys fast, so just hide in the back!
Ruiko/Kazari: O-Okay!
Ruiko: Th-Thank god we're safe...
Kazari: This is all because you didn't listen to Ban-san finish talking.
Ruiko: ...Sorry about that.
Kofuki: Take it easy with chasing these weird rumors, will you.
Ruiko: Right, I'll be more careful about it from now on!
Tsugumi: ...I notice you didn't say you were going to stop.

[Aradama Hoodie - Kofuki: Start]: Pissing Me Off

Kofuki: GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Mihono: !? Just now, that was...
Tsugumi: Yes, that was the shrill scream of Shichinosato-san just now.
Mihono: Knowing Fukki, an aradama probably didn't get the drop on her or something, right?
Tsugumi: Yes, it's difficult to imagine. I think it's safe to say something else must have occurred.
Mihono: Something that would make Fukki scream like that...?
Tsugumi: That's right. ...That aside, "gyaaaaaaa" is just the sort of scream you'd expect from Shichinosato-san, isn't it.
Mihono: Ahaha, you're not wrong. Anyway, let's go see what happened!
Mihono: Fukki!
Kofuki: You two're slow. Though, thanks to that, I got to take my sweet time having fun with the aradma-chan.
Tsugumi: This is exactly as predicted so far. So then, what was that scream earlier about?
Kofuki: What, you heard that?
Mihono: When you scream that loud, of course we'd hear it.
Kofuki: Whoops, sorry. I couldn't help myself from shouting. Aghh, just thinking about it pisses me off.
Mihono: Pisses you off? The aradama?
Kofuki: You dumbass, Mihocchi! There's no way an aradama-chan'd piss me off!
Kofuki: What pissed me off was that tree there!
Tsugumi: ...You love aradama, and you hate vegetation. You're very irritable.
Tsugumi: Shichinosato-san, I'm slightly concerned for your future.
Kofuki: I don't get what you're getting at, but I can tell you're making fun of me.
Tsugumi: You seem to be lacking calcium. Would you like a candy?
Kofuki: I've got milk to drink! And like I'd eat that shady looking candy anyway!
Mihono: Ahaha! You two sure get along-. So, what happened anyway, Fukki?
Kofuki: This here!
Mihono: Your jacket?
Tsugumi: Oh? It's slightly torn.
Mihono: Ah, it is!
Kofuki: It got caught on that branch.
Tsugumi: I see, so that's why. Though, it's hardly a problem, is it? You have lots of similar jackets you can go back and get.
Kofuki: Doesn't matter; what pisses me off pisses me off!
Mihono: Then, how about next day we have off, we go clothes shopping together?
Kofuki: Clothes shopping? I haven't been in a while, so that sounds good.
Mihono: Nice! You should come too, Tsugumi-san! It's a date!

[Aradama Hoodie - Kofuki: End]: On To the Shopping!

Mihono: And with that, we're here, Harajuku!
Kofuki: Yawwn... I'm tired.
Tsugumi: That's because you were asleep on the train. Here, have some of this and you'll be wide awake.
Kofuki: Oh-... Thanks...
Mihono: Ah.
Kofuki: BFWOO-!?
Kofuki: Oi, what'd you feed me!!
Tsugumi: Just something simple to eliminate drowsiness.
Kofuki: Don't pass me toxic crap like it's no big deal! You're freaky.
Tsugumi: Am I?
Mihono: Fukki's looking wide awake now at least, so let's go buy some clothes!
Mihono: By the way, how do you pick out your clothes, Fukki?
Mihono: I remember Kiyoka saying, "Fukki's got a great sense of style!", so I've been curious ever since.
Kofuki: I just pick out whatever. Cruise around the shops and buy stuff...
Kofuki: See, like that? Ohm.
Mihono: You say, "like that", but... Where'd you find these hoodies?
Kofuki: They were in the middle of the store, remember? [chew chew]
Mihono: I didn't see it... Nnn, this kind of thing's pretty cute too.
Kofuki: It looks good on you, Mihocchi. This's good.
Mihono: Thanks, Fukki.
Tsugumi: It's somewhat embarrassing the way we all match though, isn't it?
Kofuki: You think so? [chew chew] Mm-!
Mihono: ...That crepe must be yummy, huh.
Kofuki: ...[grin] Mihocchi, you want a bite?
Mihono: Can I?
Kofuki: Sure, but you get one bite, alright? Here... Open wide.
Mihono: Ahh-... Nngh!?
Mihono: Hey, Fukki! Weren't you gonna let me have some!?
Kofuki: Ahahahahaha! If you wanted to eat some, then go buy it yourself, Mihocchi.
Tsugumi: Ohm. ...[chew chew] I see, it is fairly good.
Kofuki: Hey, don't you go eating it!
Mihono: Now's my chance... Mmm-, so good!
Kofuki: Mihocchi too!? Ahh, damnit! Gimme back the bits you ate!
Mihono: How am I supposed to do that when I ate it!
Tsugumi: You could just go buy another one, Shichinosato-san.
Kofuki: Like you can talk when you're the one who went and ate it-!

[Misogi - Kofuki: Start]:

Tsugumi: ...Let's put an end to things here for today. Good work, Shichinosato-san.
Kofuki: What, done already?
Tsugumi: Yes, this is plenty for today. ...Here, have some hot milk.
Kofuki: You didn't put anything weird in it, right?
Tsugumi: Of course not.
Kofuki: Thanks for that... Oww, hot! Let it cool down some first!
Tsugumi: Huh, had it not cooled off enough yet? I'm sorry.
Kofuki: Damnit... [blow- blow-]...
Kofuki: Oh yeah, get this! Earlier, Mihocchi went and ate my milk pudding, y'know!?
Tsugumi: That sounds like fun.
Kofuki: ...Huh? You even listening? What part about getting your pudding eaten sounds fun to you!
Tsugumi: Well... You've been sounding like you're enjoying yourself this whole time, Shichinosato-san.
Kofuki: I mean, it's not like I can be in a bad mood all day, right?
Tsugumi: You might be right.
Kofuki: ...Now it just sounds like you're trying to get off the subject.
Kofuki: Though, I guess it has been pretty fun and stuff lately.
Tsugumi: See, isn't that what I was telling you?
Kofuki: Don't give me that! Nobody's gonna come back with "Yeah, it was fun," after they tell you about how they got their milk pudding stolen!
Kofuki: ...And that's what she said, but, what do you think?
Mirja: This isn't the sort of conversation we should have in the middle of a mission, is it.
Kofuki: It's not like we're finding any aradama-chan, so just loosen up.
Mihono: I thought I bought you another milk pudding though...
Kofuki: No duh? Like I was gonna let you off eating it like that. But still, what do you think, Mihocchi?
Mihono: What do you mean, what do I think...? She said you sounded like you were having fun, right?
Mihono: If you're having fun, then isn't that all good?
Kofuki: Yeah, I guess, but still, it kinda rubs me the wrong way somehow.
Mirja: I believe that's not the point Ban Tsugumi was trying to get across, but that you've changed, Shichinosato Kofuki.
Kofuki: Huh? I haven't changed a bit. It's not like, back then, I never had fun when I wasn't playing with aradama-chan or anything.
Mihono: I think you've changed a lot though? Like, when we first met, Kiyoka always stayed away from you, but it's not like that anymore, right?
Kofuki: I mean, you say that, but...
Kofuki: ...Have I really changed?

[Misogi - Kofuki: End]:

Kofuki: I'm here-.
Tsugumi: Oh, you seem to be in a bad mood today.
Tsugumi: Did Asakura-san take your milk pudding again... No, you didn't get enough sleep, did you.
Kofuki: ...How'd you know that?
Tsugumi: You have bags under your eyes. It would be obvious to anyone.
Kofuki: ...Tch, you're too damn quick on the uptake.
Tsugumi: So, why weren't you getting enough sleep? Were you... No, you don't read books, do you?
Kofuki: Don't go deciding that on your own!
Kofuki: And anyway, it's all your fault!!
Tsugumi: Hm? It's... my fault?
Kofuki: Yeah it is. Cause you went and said I looked like I was having fun, it turned into this argument about whether I'd changed or not, and I felt too messed up to get any sleep.
Tsugumi: I'm having a hard time following, but... After I said you seemed to be enjoying yourself, you spoke to it with the investigation team, and they came to the conclusion that you've changed?
Tsugumi: ...Is that how it happened?
Kofuki: ...You got it.
Tsugumi: If you were that worried about something like that, then you really have changed, Shichinosato-san.
Kofuki: So what... You think I've changed too?
Tsugumi: I do.
Tsugumi: Of course you would change. Everyone is affected by the people around them.
Tsugumi: Even I've changed after becoming involved with the investigation team, wouldn't you agree?
Kofuki: I guess... Actually, did you change? Sorry, I don't really remember.
Tsugumi: ...Fufufu.
Tsugumi: It seems that the old Shichinosato-san really didn't think about anything besides aradama.
Kofuki: Well duh, wasn't that obvious?
Tsugumi: (On top of that, when everyone around you are people like me... It's only natural that it would change you.)
Tsugumi: Though, whether or not you change, you'll still be Shichinosato-san.
Tsugumi: I don't think you need to think so deeply about it.
Kofuki: You get real annoying when you're explaining stuff, y'know. Like, you're probably thinking you can spin me whatever bullshit, but I'm not letting you outta this one.
Tsugumi: I'm at a loss then...
Tsugumi: (I want to tell her that I think she's more lively before, and that she doesn't have to worry about unnecessary things, but... how would I get that across?)
Kofuki: Is that some aradama-chan!?
Tsugumi: Good timing.
Tsugumi: You do seem to be having the most fun whenever aradama appear. That part of you really doesn't change.
Kofuki: 'Course it wouldn't! Anyway, I'm gonna go check it out!
Tsugumi: I'll be waiting for you to bring me back data as a souvenir.
Kofuki: Sure, count on it!

[Police Officer - Kofuki: Start]: A Risky Pick for an Officer for a Day

Kofuki: Sighhh, even if it's all just police work in the end, I'm bored out of my mind not getting any aradama-chan to beat around.
Kofuki: I mean, we're only here for this "aradama safety awareness campaign", so why do we gotta work on all this stuff besides that?
Hirona: ...There's nothing we can do about itt. We're still civil servants too.
Police Officer: Sorry to keep you waiting. We were thinking over who you could help out with...
Police Officer: If there's any kind of job you'd like to try, you can go ahead and volunteer yourselves.
Kofuki: You'll let us do whatever we want!? Then I want to fire off a gun, like, blam blam!
Kofuki: If I'm not gonna get to beat any aradama, then shooting the crap outta something'd still make me feel way better!
Police Officer: Shoot the crap out of something... You know... We don't really do that here...
Hirona: ...Sigh. Shichinosato-san, there's no way they would make temporary helpers like us do something so dangerouss.
Kofuki: Why not; that's so lame. Then, lemme tear around town in a cop car!
Kofuki: I've always wanted to blast the sirens and run red lights and all that.
Kofuki: That's gotta feel real cool, right?
Police Officer: ...That's only something we do during emergencies, when there's no other choice, not for joyriding...
Hirona: ...I'm sorry; Shichinosato-san might need traffic laws explained to her all over from the very basicss.
Police Officer: Maybe you're right. Actually... I know! Let's have you be a crossing guard.
Kofuki: A crossing what?
Police Officer: It's to keep the kids going to and home from school safe; you stand at road crossings on the school route and make sure people drive safe.
Kofuki: Huhh!? Why do I gotta do a lame job like that...
Hirona: Isn't it be cause you keep saying you want to do dangerous things, like shooting a gun, or racing a carr?
Hirona: ...You get to help the police while they're shorthanded and learn the importance of traffic safety; that's a great logical place for youu.
Police Officer: Now that that's decided, let's get you over there quickly. The kids have morning classes today, so they should be going home right around now.
Hirona: Do your bestt.
Kofuki: Wait, you're not coming either!? What the hell...
Kofuki: The station sent me over, I'm Shichinosato Kofuki.
Traffic Officer: I've been waiting for you. Alright, you can stand here at the corner of this intersection.
Traffic Officer: The kids should be coming home along this road any minute, so give them a good greeting and make sure they watch out for the lights, okay?
Kofuki: Yeah sure...
Kofuki: Ughh-, if I skip on this, Mirja and Chichie'll be pissed later, so I guess I'll just half-ass it.
Kofuki: Ahh-, I miss my aradama-chan...

[Police Officer - Kofuki: End]: A Reliable Officer for a Day?

Kofuki: Hey-, the brats finally made it. C'mon, c'mon, get over there already-. It's gonna be red soon-.
Kofuki: (Sigh... This job's so boring. Like, there's not even any cars coming through here. What's the point in making me stand around here?)
Elementary Schooler 1: Good morning, miss police lady!
Kofuki: P-Police lady!?
Kofuki: (Oh yeah, I'm still wearing the police uniform, so they just think I'm an officer.)
Elementary Schooler 2: Police lady, are you a new police lady? You're not very good at saying hello.
Elementary Schooler 1: The usual police lady is always really nice when she says hi to us-.
Kofuki: Huhh!? What'd you...
Kofuki: (Wait, crap. If they find out I lost it at a couple of kids, Mirja and Chichie are gonna flip out.)
Kofuki: (Alright fine, just for this, I'll play along and put on a nice police lady act.)
Kofuki: Sorry 'bout that-. I'm just a new police lady, so I still haven't got the hang of this.
Kofuki: See, the light's green. So take care and go on over-.
Kofuki: Not like any cars are coming anyway.
Kofuki: Nn? I guess a bike's coming up though. Tch, they must be having fun, both of them riding together talking about whatever...
Kofuki: Nn...? What're they doing coming into the intersection!? It's red right now.
Kofuki: Shit, they're gonna crash into the kids crossing over!
Kofuki: Oi, hold it! STOP THE BIKE, WOULD YA---!
Kofuki: I said stop, damnit!
Kofuki: Sigh, now you stop. Could you at least look where you're going!? And you're not allowed to double up on a bike, y'know!?
Kofuki: This is a school road, okay!? What're you gonna do if you ran over some kid!? How're you gonna make up for that!? Huhh!?
High School Girl 1: We're sorry...
Kofuki: Don't let me catch you ever sharing a bike again! And you better watch the lights next time. Even the freaking elementary schoolers know this stuff!
High School Girl 2: Yes ma'am, we'll be careful.
Elementary Schooler 1: You did it, police lady!
Elementary Schooler 2: It was really cool how you scolded them.
Kofuki: What, you saw all that?
Elementary Schooler 1: Those onee-sans never pay attention to the lights. We tell them, you shouldn't do that, but they never listen to us.
Kofuki: Seriously...? They're repeat offenders, huh.
Elementary Schooler 2: Thank you for scolding them, miss police lady.
Elementary Schooler 1: I'm glad you're here. Thank you.
Kofuki: I-It's not anything you've gotta thank me for... Look, the light's still green, so look both ways and walk across already.
Elementary Schooler 1: Okaaay, see you later, miss police lady!
Elementary Schooler 2: Good luck with your work-!
Kofuki: S-Sure. Thanks.
Kofuki: (I thought this job'd be all boring, but maybe it's not so bad.)